Practicing Gratitude in the Face of Death

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Shock, disappointments, and circumstances beyond our control, how do we deal with them?  When loved ones die, or love dies, or love cannot be found no matter how hard we reach to find it, it is then we must realize that the only hope is to find love within ourselves.  Some may reach for a God to heal, and others to other means, but ultimately it is the choices we make along each step that frees our souls.  Nothing “out there” is responsible for what we believe and how we act on those beliefs.  I hate death, it’s so shocking and final, yet it comes to everyone and every living thing must die. We all know this is true, but none of us want to accept it.  It is our survivor instinct, our fight or flight instinct that rises up when we are faced with the inevitable of someone we love being snatched from us when we aren’t ready.  But we will never be ready to let someone go so easily when they are so much a part of us.  One day I will die, and leave those who love me behind. With this knowledge, I seek to love those around me with all my heart and thereby being able to pass on something to them that will live in them when I am gone.  After the initial shock of my death, if it is shocking, I want my children, grandchildren and the others whom I love, to be able to smile and laugh as they remember me.  I am setting about to live my life to the fullest so ultimately the story that was my life will be inspiring and full of love. Only coping and dealing with fear and pain, and overcoming them, and deciding to choose love and healing can establish this legacy.

This week two people in my life died suddenly and without warning. And at the same time, a most precious woman who has always been my second mother, is under Hospice care, and it’s almost time for her to depart from here.  I am challenged now to walk the talk, to be happy in the face of such sadness. I feel the tearing of my heart, as the fight or flight knocks on my door.  But I know now, after dealing with all the death of loved ones in my life that this is all a part of life.  I do not want to treat death like an evil invader to be fought. I do not profess to be good at this, but I am choosing at this time to see all the beauty that these people who have passed on have given the world.  I am honored to have known them and to have been touched by their light.

I reach out to them and all those who have gone before me, and I say thank you for just being who you were.  I love you all for it.  I am a better person for having been touched by your lives.

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There are other kinds of deaths as well, including divorce and friendships that after break ups have a similar effect on the human soul. Loss of pets, jobs, hopes, dreams, and homes, these things challenge us to the core and we must grieve them. Oh the hot tears and the inconsolable moments and the nights when sleep runs away from us faster than a locomotive, these things we often must bear. These gut wrenching moments I have suffered through have brought me to where I am in the here and now.

So how can I talk about happiness, when so much sadness abounds and in so many ways the world is in turmoil?  I can only say that it is because of knowing that at any time, and at any moment, it could all be over that I strive even harder to be happy.  I was not always able to live like this, in fact it is a new habit of mine to practice happiness.

I want to write a disclaimer here.  I am not always thrilled with the stress of life, in fact the grind of it can be quite debilitating. But I am determined to look for, seek out, and focus on the parts of daily life that cause me joy or gratitude.

I want to share this poem I wrote and attached to one of the photographs I took in Siesta Key Florida last year while with Gates and Kathy, my second parents.  I was going through a divorce from a 30 year marriage, and I was so lost I did not think I could ever get my bearings again.  After many days of insomnia, I sat up in my bed tired of crying, worrying I was losing my mind, and I wrote this.  As soon as I finished it, I laid down and slept.  I don’t know why, but I have discovered that whenever I am in pain I must create something like a song or a painting, and then I am able to be released from the pain and experience hope, peace and even joy.  That is how I started this blog and believe it or not, it’s when I started really getting happy.

So here is my poem or whatever you want to call it. I hope that if you are struggling in emotional pain that this will inspire you.

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So, to those of you who are letting go of those who must go on, my heart goes out to you.  I am so sorry for the families of the friends I lost this week and I am aching knowing there is not much time for Kathy.  I know that Kathy has the most loving and adoring husband and her children and grandchildren have been so blessed and have so much love for her.  I am heartbroken.  Yet I suspect that those who have gone or are leaving us, want us to be happy about the love they gave us!

I want to send you my dear Kathy, a giant hug and lots of love!  I am not with you as you make this transition, but if you could see my soul it would be thanking you for all your love and all the memories!

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Even though I have tears, I am so thankful for those I love and how their spirits touch mine!

I celebrate the lives of all my loved ones who have passed.  I have a feeling this makes them happy!

The Sarah Hale Folger Project seeks to inspire greatness in humanity by sharing inspiring stories with the world. Please contact me here on my blog or through my website at http://www.SarahHaleFolger.com

Sarah Hale Folger is a Creative Consultant, Blogger, Artist & Singer. PLEASE make sure to subscribe to my blog today so you never miss the next thing happening in the world the way I see it! Please feel free to comment, share and subscribe to my blog!!! Thanks!!

Happiness is at your fingertips, literally!

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It is amazing to me that I have finally come to understand that happiness is not some illusive thing only for the rich and famous, or the accomplished, or the lucky ones, or the people we put on pedestals.  In fact, some of the happiest people in the world are considered poor, unlucky, unaccomplished, uneducated, and the list goes on.  The truth of the matter is, happiness has nothing at all to do with status, but has everything to do with making the right turns in your thinking to adjust to whatever circumstance life throws at you.  I am not quite sure exactly how the concoction is mixed, but I think it looks a lot like this, at least it does for me.

  1. Your Childhood Lessons learned, good, bad and ugly.
  2. Your Teen Years: Adjusting to raging hormones as the body races toward adulthood, and peer pressure from groups that test individuals with judgments and comparisons.
  3. Family Life and Friends:  People who teach you how to figure out life and chances are there is a lot of bad thinking being passed on along with those nuggets of truth.
  4. School & Work Life: If you didn’t have the same learning style as your superiors, you may have thought you weren’t good enough, or were stupid, or that it was too hard. If you had good teachers and bosses who encouraged you, you may have thrived.
  5. Bumps in the Road: Tragedies, unexpected changes, illnesses, and loss of significant caretakers or soulmates can flip you on your back like a turtle and you can get stuck.
  6. DNA: We are given a certain set of genes that can manifest as either positives or negatives throughout our lives.

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So then what is one to do when life throws you a curve ball?  How does one survive and then regroup, move on, and thrive when one has been overwhelmed?  From my personal experiences I can honestly say that every hardship left me with a choice as to how I would respond, and thereby either benefit from the situation or be hindered by it.  Thank God for me that I have had angels in my life.  These are people who have picked me up and carried me at crucial junctures in my life, where maybe I would have given up all hope and fallen into despair, had not they intervened.  But there have been times when I have allowed despair to win for a while.  Grief is a teacher, the one struck by it must be a willing student. It’s ok if you were dropped into uncertainty in your life, it may feel like a whirlwind out of control, so how do you come out of it?  For me, I do the first thing that comes to mind that I can control.  It may be something as simple as doing the laundry. Below is a list of ideas that I use that help me overcome:

  1. I put myself in the presence of those I love and who love me. These are my children, my grandchildren and my friends.  I do this especially when I would rather be alone.
  2. I create something.  Because I am an artist I may paint like a mad scientist, or I may write, sing, or play the piano.  I may even cook or do some gardening, anything creative that I can do that puts me in the driver seat.
  3. I spend time outdoors.
  4. When I had pets they were a great comfort to me.
  5. I exercise.  This could be put at the top of this list because of all the benefits it gives especially the endorphins that get produced. (Yoga, bike riding and lifting weights, are my favorite outlets)
  6. I often pray, meditate, or listen to music.
  7. Above all else, I realize that this is a temporary moment in my life. I know it won’t be long before something positive occurs.

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Trust me when I tell you, I have struggled with many difficult hardships in my life that have left me confused and in pain. At one point in my life when I was in pain, I formulated a mental picture which I have never forgotten.  I envisioned myself in a garden much like one you would see in England, I would imagine.  It consisted of tall sculpted bushes creating a labyrinth, and I found myself stuck in the middle not knowing which way to turn. I felt guided only by my gut instincts.  (If you ever saw the David Bowie movie Labyrinth, you would know what I mean.)  In this imagined maze of mine, there were hidden doors you could advance through if you have eyes to see.  The point is that life can be like a maze, and we are always trying to get to the destination of happiness by the shortest route.  We may take a few wrong turns along the way, so we have to be patient.I have come to believe that in many circumstances we are so programed by our past experiences that we often become fearful of what could happen when faced with a new dilemma.

This is how I try to work through the process:

  1. I think of people who I admire and study how they handle conflict resolution, and how they carry themselves in times that were trying. I often ask myself what traits about my heroes do I want for myself?
  2. Then I take a good look at myself and decide what traits about myself am I sick and tired of living with? Am I tired of being afraid? Do I have anger problems? Am I unable to focus on my goals? Am I unable to figure out what I want? Am I sad for too long after a trauma or a sad life occurrence ? I ask myself how I wish I could respond and from that I have my homework. The real truth is, we are often unnecesarily unhappy because we think we have no solutions to our problems so we seek answers outside of ourselves. Often this can lead to all sorts of problems in peoples lives such as drug and alcohol abuse, relationship conflicts etc. So the key is, we must obtain new tools for our toolbox.  Then, when you know what you need, you get the right tool to get the job done!

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I know I can go on a rant so I’ll dial it back. Please feel free to have dialog with me because sometimes we all need a little encouragement.  I am not a doctor, nor a professional healthcare provider, or any such thing.  But I have been through the school of hard knocks, and I am hard at work on my self awareness and self improvement journey, and it’s working!

I want to end this blog by telling you about someone who has inspired me in many ways. This person is my friend Sue, and she has stood by me since the day I met her.  Sue has three sons and a daughter and I believe 9 grandchildren!  She has overcome some serious stuff, and among them was type 2 Diabetes. She was suffering for a long time and then she did research on this subject and realized that she had the potential of having control over how this disease could effect her life.  Sue set her mind to the hard but rewarding work of reprograming how she lived her life.  Soda was quickly replaced by water, and carbs and sugar were quickly put in their place. Sue could have given up but she didn’t.  It is now years later and I know all of her children and grandchildren are happy that she takes such good care of herself.  She still has other health issues to manage, but she takes care of herself, and makes sure that what brings her happiness is always at her fingertips, and that happiness is being able to be right in the trenches with her family.  Sue’s family stands as a testimony to what true love looks like to all who know them.

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So come on, its time to kick bad thinking to the curb and find out what really makes you happy?  I say let’s GO FOR IT!!!

The Sarah Hale Folger Project seeks to inspire greatness in humanity by sharing inspiring stories with the world. Please contact me here on my blog or through my website at http://www.SarahHaleFolger.com

Sarah Hale Folger is a Creative Consultant, Blogger, Artist & Singer. PLEASE make sure to subscribe to my blog today so you never miss the next thing happening in the world the way I see it! Please feel free to comment, share and subscribe to my blog!!! Thanks!!

 

+ sarah hale folger icu 1 - Does it matter what others think of you?

Does it matter what others think of you?

 

I’ve been on the planet for a while now and in this time I have observed people around me, and either have been amazed at what I have seen or saddened on many levels. As a child I was very different for many reasons, but mainly because I was raised in a family that basically ran a zoo out of our home.   It was a wildlife rehabilitation project and we raised and released wild and exotic animals that had been injured, or were in some sort of need.  In addition to this, my mother was the Irish Setter rescuer for The Cincinnati Animal Rescue League. We had many monkey’s including a chimpanzee that my parents rescued from a bar who we needed to detox from alcohol and cigarettes. We had pythons, boa constrictors, chinchillas, raccoons, birds of prey, etc, etc, etc. Every season the animals would come and go. My mom once told me that I really wouldn’t ever be able to have girls over to the house because they would not understand, and for the most part she was right.   I was often called weird and I simply did not really fit in.

When I think back at some of the memories, they were hilarious, but I can remember the pain of being judged and I was a sensitive kid.  I was someone who was always involved in comforting and feeding animals, and cleaning their cages, and it made me a very empathetic person.

In many ways, I just wanted to fit in with the normal kids. But when I look back now I realize what an amazing adventure my life had been.  How many people have had the experiences that I have had?  But as a child and teenager, I cared deeply about what others thought and it caused me great anxiety.  I wish now that I had been able to ignore what other people thought, and instead, I wish I had been able to focus on the positive things other people had to say.

It’s funny how I carried the trait of worrying about what others thought of me into adulthood. It was reinforced in so many ways.  In fact, as I continued in charitable and non-profit work with humans throughout my adulthood, I started to realize it was an epidemic not unusual to me. I felt an obligation to inspire people in my world to believe in themselves and not to worry about what other people thought.  I realized how silly it was for any of us to stress over the judgement of others, because life is short and it would be best spent finding out what is important to ourselves and going after that!  As far as the judgement of others?

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It doesn’t matter, everyone has a right to an opinion, but most of the time I’m learning that we should keep our opinions to ourselves.

It’s illogical to believe someone else should know what’s best for your life. As long as you aren’t hurting other people, doing anything unethical or immoral, why should anyones opinion about your life matter more than what your heart is telling you?

My mission is to be true to my heart, and to make my life count. I just so happen to derive a tremendous amount of happiness by encouraging others to be happy as well.  So consider yourself encouraged!

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ICU!  Do you see YOU? What do others think of you? Does it Matter?

Take a moment to answer these questions, you may be surprised at your answers!

I would love to hear from you.  Please feel free to share your stories with me!

The Sarah Hale Folger Project seeks to inspire greatness in humanity by sharing inspiring stories with the world. Please contact me here on my blog or through my website at http://www.SarahHaleFolger.com

Sarah Hale Folger is a Creative Consultant, Blogger, Artist & Singer. PLEASE make sure to subscribe to my blog today so you never miss the next thing happening in the world the way I see it! Please feel free to comment, share and subscribe to my blog!!! Thanks!!

OH NO! I didn’t get the memo!

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Who said life after 50 was the beginning of the countdown to the end?-how morbid!

I cringe when I hear people talking about life as though it is almost over and they are just in their 50’s. I mean, I know 80 year olds who put me to shame and never stop moving and trying new things!  That’s the ticket!  Refusing to accept that you are old, at least in your mind! What is age anyway? I know, I know, excuses, excuses. Well, if you could decide what team you played on would it be the winning team, or the losing team?  It’s all in the mental approach.  It’s hard, I know, I have struggled with emotional pain most of my life for various reasons. You have to put your foot down at some point on one side or the other.  Either you win or you lose.  It’s that simple.  Now I feel it coming, all the really sad stories out there which are true and valid.  Real sicknesses, real trauma… you are not those I am speaking to with these words.  Hugs to those of you who are there right now, I can only say from experience, I want you to make it across that tumultuous stream you have fallen into against your will.  May love come to you in some form and carry you safely to the other side!! Hugs! But for those of you who are lazy, fatigued or lacking inspiration for your own life I say, STOP doing that!  It’s no fun, wrong team!

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I have spent most of my life trying to make other people happy and making my happiness contingent on theirs. There are many reasons why and none of them really matter in the end, I am who I am.

I was raised in a family that ran a non-profit for wildlife, dear God that is the story that needs more voices to tell than just mine. Sooner or later I will be interviewing as many willing participants in my family as I can arm wrestle into submission!

I also spent many years working for other non-profits.  So I understand giving till you are running on fumes, but love fills up your tank! But in your 50’s you say to yourself, “Self, time to take care of you! Cheers to you!” And Self says, “Cheers back at ya! and Cheers to the ones I love!” I’m jumping into the universe!!

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But I digress, what I really want to say is that I will be writing fast and furious when the mood strikes.  I have always had lots to say and there will most likely be misspelled words, so forgive me ahead of time!  I remember my Uncle once telling me that as a little girl I was always curious and asking questions. This still rings true. I will be posting my interviews as they unfold as well, I can’t wait!

So here I am, living on the edge of uncertainty, letting go of fear and positioning myself to view the true beauty all around me. You see, the way I look at it, I know the human brain tends to focus on the negative. Just look at the news and the storylines of movies! Death, mayhem, fear, oh no! Someone save us! I say, like a salmon, go against the stream and reach for the higher perspective and save yourself! Its time to get happy!!

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You in?  I am, and I am cheering for you too!!!!

Stay with me, I have no idea where I am going moment to moment, but I am leaning towards an image I have in my mind.  It’s one that takes the lemons and makes lemonade! It’s green pastures and adventure on the way!  I can see me on a white horse with my sword raised to the sky! My horse has wings! I will fly, I will be free!

So if you are with me on this journey , yeah!  Join me in saying what my favorite childhood book said to do and say-“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!” Yes, we too can be like the little engine that could!!!

Credit: Photos courtesy of Vic Pichette; videomarketingstrategies.net

The Sarah Hale Folger Project seeks to inspire greatness in humanity by sharing inspiring stories with the world. Please contact me here on my blog or through my website at http://www.SarahHaleFolger.com

Sarah Hale Folger is a Creative Consultant, Blogger, Artist & Singer. PLEASE make sure to subscribe to my blog today so you never miss the next thing happening in the world the way I see it! Please feel free to comment, share and subscribe to my blog!!! Thanks!!

The Power of the Red Dress

 

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So here I am, 53, the mother of 3 amazingly beautiful daughters, and 3 fabulous grandchildren. Did you hear my heart go BOOM, boom, BOOM, boom, BOOM? These giant blessings in my life are my greatest gifts. Yet here I am in my middle years, imagining myself with my sword brandished high!! (The pen is mightier than the sword, so it is my sword, well okay, it’s a keyboard not an actual pen, but you get my meaning!!) I find myself embarking on a new career, which is taking all my life’s experiences and making something magical appear from that soil. At least that is the goal!!  Seriously, I may be crazy, I certainly am flying by the seat of my pants, but hey you know I’ve heard it said, “Jump and the net will appear!” Well, I’ve jumped out into the universe 3 times in less than 2 years. Part of that was I left a job I loved and went through skin cancer radiation treatment, which really rocked my mental world and not to mention made me feel weak and lost. I arose out of all this with a renewed awakening.  My perspective just totally shifted. I mean when I think back at all the phases of my life, I feel like a cat with 9 lives. I refuse to count what numbered life I am on now because I am hoping I have a few left in me!  But seriously, when you cry and sweat and agonize,over life’s upsetting  events and then you cross over to the other side, you say, hey I’m happy to be on this planet and I want to choose to be happy, successful and to take all the lessons I have learned and make something fun and exciting come from it all.

As this blog goes on I am sure my old stories will resurrect and new ones will emerge.  There is nothing I hate more than negativity, panic and doubt! ARGHHHH!!! If I were a super hero I would slay all those nasty villains! So this is why I am focused on the power color red today.  As my 50+ modeling shoots emerge  I will use some of the images to empower you to find the inner goddess in you and to bring her forth!!! Someone once told me after I got off a stage where my old band had played, that it was dangerous for me to wear a red dress. LOL!  Well, I never thought red was a color I should wear but after that comment I encourage you too to purposefully wear something red and have your own dangerous photo shoot!!  Being an artist, I am a big lover of color.  I will use the various meanings of the color red to describe the photos I have selected. (Thanks to JENNIFER BOURN)

In different cultures red carries different meanings. In some cultures, red represents purity, joy, and celebration and is a traditional color worn by brides. In China, red is used for good luck and represents happiness and prosperity. In South Africa, red is the color of mourning and in Russia red is associated with communism because in history, they used a red flag when they overthrew the Tsar. In the United States, red, when combined with white and blue represent patriotism and pride of country. (Well,that was interesting!)

 

 

The color red is a highly visible color that is able to focus attention quickly and get people to make quick decisions, which is one of the reasons fire trucks and fire engines are usually painted red. Flashing red lights mean danger or emergency, while stop signs and stop lights use the color red to alert drivers about the dangers of the intersection. (Better look out when you see red!)

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Too much red causes loss of temper, agitation, anger, and overbearing, demanding, and oppressive behaviors. Too little red causes lethargic, cautious, whiny, and manipulative feelings. To get out of control emotions under control add green, the opposite of red. To get rid of exhaustion, add more red. (I mean, I think we may be putting a lot of power to control in color, wouldn’t you say?)

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Red, the color of blood and fire, is associated with meanings of love, passion, desire, heat, longing, lust, sexuality, sensitivity, romance, joy, strength, leadership, courage, vigor, willpower, rage, anger, danger, malice, wrath, stress, action, vibrance, radiance, and determination. (Wow, talk about yin and yang!!!)

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The color red is an intense color that is packed with emotion ranging from passionate, intense love to anger and violence — representing both cupid and the devil. It is a hot, strong, stimulating color that represents excitement and energy.

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Studies show that the color red can create physical effects such as elevated blood pressure, enhanced libido, increased respiratory rates, enhanced metabolism, increased enthusiasm, higher levels of energy, and increased confidence.

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Red is assertive, daring, determined, energetic, powerful, enthusiastic, impulsive, exciting, and aggressive. Red represents physical energy, lust, passion, and desire. It symbolizes action, confidence, and courage. The color red is linked to the most primitive physical, emotional, and financial needs of survival and self-preservation.

 

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So listen ladies of a certain age, whatever it takes for you to become all you were meant to be, lies within you!!  We were all dealt a certain hand, it’s up to us to choose to play that hand, to trade in some cards, or to fold.  What will it be?  I suggest highly that we dig deep and come up positive!  I know life can be terrifying and we never really know what we are doing, there are just too many variables.  But stick with me and come on my journey with me!  I am simply taking the next step each day that I awake and then the one after that.  Stop believing whatever set of lies it is you tell yourself and if you are a positive woman with something to give please post a comment!  If you are down in the dumps its pretty clear that even if the only red thing you own is a dish towel, find away to tuck it in and wear it, go stand in front of a mirror, put some red lipstick on and smile at yourself, or at least laugh at yourself!  Its time to go for the red!  Remember ladies, you want to develop those brass ovaries!  It’s your precious life, don’t let anything stop you from fighting for the best one it can be!!

The Sarah Hale Folger Project seeks to inspire greatness in humanity by sharing inspiring stories with the world. Please contact me here on my blog or through my website at http://www.SarahHaleFolger.com

Sarah Hale Folger is a Creative Consultant, Blogger, Artist & Singer. PLEASE make sure to subscribe to my blog today so you never miss the next thing happening in the world the way I see it! Please feel free to comment, share and subscribe to my blog!!! Thanks!!

 

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“I Rise”

Surely as a cloud begins to form in a long clear sky, stillness is being gently startled by a warm breeze. My eyes open as I feel the movement gently caressing my chin as it tunes my face to the sky. How long have I been laying here sleeping? I have forgotten what I was waiting for. I feel my heart beating. I feel the blood coursing through my veins. I feel the air filling my lungs. Was I dead? Am I resurrected? I have no memory of how I got here. Where am I? Slowly I rise, first to my elbow, then to sitting up. Breathing too fast I wait a moment and count my breaths until the rhythm soothes me. I pull myself to my knees and lean forward, my fists grasp the sand. How long have I been here in this desert? I dare not look back to remember, for the past is what brought me here and left me for dead. I feel no allegiance to what has long abandoned me. I will not waste my mind on trying to remember. No, I will trust that only the good lessons will prevail. I will pay attention only to the beating of my heart as to whether I should walk this way or that. This sense that lies within my soul shall guide me now. Not the hand that drags or the one that pushes me, but the one from within me shall I follow now. I know this now, as I kneel in this shifting sand, that the winding road beginning to appear before me, is waiting for me. The warm breeze swirls around me and I stretch out my arms and I think I almost see forming wings.They fill up with the breeze which has become a greater force and I look up and the sun is rising, color floods the horizon, and a voice inside me says,“Rise woman, RISE!” In a flash I am standing, and as I stand fully aware, fully seeing, a path appears just a steps length away. I am beginning to see shapes forming in the distance, some sort of mystical homeland. Impulsively I step forward, my heart is hungry, starving in fact and I know it! My foot hits the path and suddenly I cannot see more than one step away. I stop in fear, wondering, was what I saw an illusion, a mirage in this desert? My heart beats desperately, I feel it will leap from my chest. Some time passes, I let the shock of all of these things pass through me and feel it fade. For in this storm a voice speaks to me, and it comes from within.  Just take the next step, and the next step, and the one after that. And it’s then I realize I cannot know more than I can be responsible for in this very moment. I trust the path before me is fatefully calling me and I trust me, for the first time, I know I will know, and that’s enough.

The Sarah Hale Folger Project seeks to inspire greatness in humanity by sharing inspiring stories with the world. Please contact me here on my blog or through my website at http://www.SarahHaleFolger.com

Sarah Hale Folger is a Creative Consultant, Blogger, Artist & Singer. PLEASE make sure to subscribe to my blog today so you never miss the next thing happening in the world the way I see it! Please feel free to comment, share and subscribe to my blog!!! Thanks!!

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