When I think I have yielded all I can, something happens, and I realize I must yield again. What does this mean? If yielding means to give way to arguments, demands, or pressure, then have I chosen wisely? Life will always give us unexpected blows. We will also see them coming and deny they are a reality, but the blow comes anyway. So whats inside of me that causes me to yield? And I think it has taken me a long hard road of blows to finally understand, that many of my yielding moments were incorrect. In fact, many of those choices I had when facing arguments, demands or pressure, actually could have led me down a different path had I made different choices.
As I remember some of these times of choosing to yield, I am still heartened by the inner knowledge that I am a fighter, I do still remain, I have not totally disappeared. But as in some sort of hypnotic trance, many a time I allowed myself to be led, led by well meaning people, or those with the worst intent. The why’s don’t seem to have clear answers, and so I will not keep asking that question. But I can feel the memories of the times I quit, quit believing my thoughts were right and trusting someone else’s was more correct. Where does the desire for understanding and knowledge of the new or unknown give way to my own opinion? Perhaps I was not fully convinced about my own opinions. I have for so long witnessed the most cruel and sad hardships brought upon myself or others because someone in charge or bigger than me or more powerful thought their thoughts were the only correct thoughts. To even speak my own thoughts or opinions would result in sometimes the severest of punishments or scorn that my sensitive soul could not bear up under. And even the times I fought, I was forced to yield. I guess that is why I learned to fight so hard when I did believe my thoughts were right. For those times when I won, I am also truly grateful. However, knowing what I know now, I would not need to fight the same way at all.
Decade after decade it seemed the few ones I needed or wanted approval from denied it to me, and even the few that surrounded me and propped me up could not erase the pain of that kind of suffering. What if I had just became callous and did not feel so deeply? Then I am sure the artist in me would have been bland. If I were a more clinical human who led with their mind, not their heart, then I would have been safer and perhaps have gotten further in my life by now, playing the game, watching for opportunities, and grasping them without fear. But I care too much, I feel too deeply, and that is not possible for someone like me. Until now.
When an ax takes to the tree trunk, so many blows happen before the tree even budges. Blow after blow occurs, and then there is that moment when the weight of the tree is too much for whats left of its trunk circumference, and then the loud crack pierces the atmosphere, and timber, she falls to her death. All that time, not a word did the tree speak, she stood tall and took the blows until one last blow occurred that was the last she could take. All those years of history she spent growing in one place, all those seasons of too much rain, or too little, all the storms and harsh winters and the tree stretched it’s mighty branches reaching towards the sun. Many animals and birds lived in those branches, their homes were there, and in the heat of summer the tree provided shade for the weary traveler.
But now the tree will take on its new life, no longer living as we know life, but instead providing perhaps wood for a fire to warm people, its timber now transformed by a master carpenter into tables, chairs, cutting boards, mantles and more. No longer a prisoner to the one spot it had ever known, the tree now lives its new life in homes, on boats, framing the family photos or masterpieces. For a moment, the tree thought it was dead, but instead it was liberated blow by blow and now has new purpose. Besides many other trees exist from her seeds now growing and reaching for the sky.
And me? Once again I remember that I will not be guided by the one who pushes me or the one who pulls me, but by my own intuition which I now trust. The funny thing about trusting your own intuition, is that everything seems clearer and there is no anxiety in trust. Anxiousness is a passion killer, it also blocks cognitive thinking. And after all, when you come to know and trust your inner voice, then you no longer worry about judgement and you simply do not judge anyone else for theirs. You are free to continue your quest for knowledge and understanding without worry that in the meantime you are wrong or missing something.
Yes, waking up is hard to do. It takes courage to challenge your own thinking and it takes stillness to hear your own inner voice. No matter where we came from, or how long we have been here, I am sure we all will keep on diving deeper into our own souls and learning more, it’s a bottomless pit. There is no end to the learning we may acquire for our souls are mini universes. Oh to go where no man has gone before! Beam me up, let me see why I am here! Let me reach the highest height I can obtain while it is still my time on earth.
And finally, for better or for worse, I am thankful for all my teachers along the way. The harsh ones and the kind ones. I have learned from so many, even just by observation. Sometimes it is sad when a relationship is over that was mixed with both kindness and harshness because there is still gratitude for the time spent. There are times and seasons and lessons to be grateful for, but you must stay on your path. But now, only kindness will prevail. It is how I want to give, and how I want to receive knowledge and wisdom. Kindness is the best teacher, it comes from love, and love always wins in the end.
The Sarah Hale Folger Project seeks to inspire greatness in humanity by sharing inspiring stories with the world. Please contact me here on my blog or through my website at http://www.SarahHaleFolger.com
Sarah Hale Folger is a Creative Consultant, Artist & Singer. PLEASE make sure to subscribe to my blog today so you never miss the next thing happening in the world the way I see it! Please feel free to comment, share and subscribe to my blog!!! Thanks!!