Surely as a cloud begins to form in a long clear sky, stillness is being gently startled by a warm breeze. My eyes open as I feel the movement gently caressing my chin as it tunes my face to the sky. How long have I been laying here sleeping? I have forgotten what I was waiting for. I feel my heart beating. I feel the blood coursing through my veins. I feel the air filling my lungs. Was I dead? Am I resurrected? I have no memory of how I got here. Where am I? Slowly I rise, first to my elbow, then to sitting up. Breathing too fast I wait a moment and count my breaths until the rhythm soothes me. I pull myself to my knees and lean forward, my fists grasp the sand. How long have I been here in this desert? I dare not look back to remember, for the past is what brought me here and left me for dead. I feel no allegiance to what has long abandoned me. I will not waste my mind on trying to remember. No, I will trust that only the good lessons will prevail. I will pay attention only to the beating of my heart as to whether I should walk this way or that. This sense that lies within my soul shall guide me now. Not the hand that drags or the one that pushes me, but the one from within me shall I follow now. I know this now, as I kneel in this shifting sand, that the winding road beginning to appear before me, is waiting for me. The warm breeze swirls around me and I stretch out my arms and I think I almost see forming wings.They fill up with the breeze which has become a greater force and I look up and the sun is rising, color floods the horizon, and a voice inside me says,âRise woman, RISE!â In a flash I am standing, and as I stand fully aware, fully seeing, a path appears just a steps length away. I am beginning to see shapes forming in the distance, some sort of mystical homeland. Impulsively I step forward, my heart is hungry, starving in fact and I know it! My foot hits the path and suddenly I cannot see more than one step away. I stop in fear, wondering, was what I saw an illusion, a mirage in this desert? My heart beats desperately, I feel it will leap from my chest. Some time passes, I let the shock of all of these things pass through me and feel it fade. For in this storm a voice speaks to me, and it comes from within. Â Just take the next step, and the next step, and the one after that. And it’s then I realize I cannot know more than I can be responsible for in this very moment. I trust the path before me is fatefully calling me and I trust me, for the first time, I know I will know, and thatâs enough.
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